There is a Pima story from Southern Arizona which has always made me smile. My favourite version is from the book, And It Is Still That Way, which I found when I was living with my grandmother in America.

One night all the dogs gathered for a dance in a field. Dogs came from far and wide. To dance better they took off their tails and hung them on corn plants. But the dogs were startled and in a panic they grabbed any old tail. When they got home they realised they had picked up the wrong one and that is why they sniff each other. They are looking for their own tail.

In a world so full of self pressure we can be like those dogs. Not literally sniffing each others behinds but in a frenzy finding our own identity. Why is this so hard? Are we reared on comparison and the belief we are never enough or even too much? Maybe. Are we so bombarded by the expectations of others we have lost ourselves? Perhaps. Or is it a mixture of all these things which set us adrift and in so doing we lose our authentic selves.

Being our authentic self is hard and often it doesn’t last forever but when we are being true it’s like wearing our own perfect tail and it sure feels good. The desire to compare yourself to others slips away and instead of finding fault you can find joy in who you are. When we are our true selves we can really appreciate the essence, energies and spirit of others.

Things that stop us finding our tails are feelings of doubt and uncertainty, we are nervous and hesitate to trust our individuality. Instead we can waste time mulling on the idea that other people are doing better but in reality they are probably managing life’s ups and downs as well as we are. So don’t try to wear somebody else’s tail because it just won’t fit and will probably look ridiculous.

In the story the dogs never do find their own tails, they are still looking, but we can. The right tail feels authentic. It adds to you rather than detracts, swooshes with ease and confidence. So believe in yourself because your tail will never look good on someone else and there’s will never be right for you.

Story Acknowledgement. And It Is Still That Way, Byrd Baylor, IBSN 0-939729-06-7

When I was little my favourite piece of clothing was a pair of dungarees with a yellow embroidered patch on the bib. Written across it, in bright rainbow letters, were the words, Have A Nice Day. And whenever I wore those dungarees I did. I’d run into the playground, pigtails flying, happy and excited about a new day rich in possibility.

If you have children, work with them, or pass a young child on the street, nothing beats the smile you see when they’ve picked out their own clothes and dressed themselves. They rock stripped tights, superhero costumes and cat’s ears like nobody can. Take a leaf out of that book. You don’t have to wear something crazy but wearing something you like and feel good in can kick start the day.

You don’t get a much more durable clothing item than denim dungarees. And what was the best thing about wearing them? They were perfect for playing outside. It’s hard to have a nice day if you don’t see it. So even if you can’t get outside, by looking at the morning sky, taking a few deep breaths, we can feel rather than think about the opportunities for the day ahead.

One of the best things about those overalls was that other kids said hello because of the patch. I was listening to talk-back radio and a caller from a small town phoned in to say they had begun a wave initiative. The residents wave and smile, or say hello, to people they pass. It was developed as a mental health response to combat isolation and depression in small communities. A smile or wave is an easy way to foster a nice day for yourself and others. It won’t change someone’s world but for a moment there’s a positive human connection.

Now, I don’t have that patch anymore but for all its cheesiness it is a great sentiment to wish to yourself or those around you. So seriously, ‘Have a nice day.’

Okay, so recently I’ve been erring on the conservative side. I actually think it’s time for me to shake things up a bit and put some energy back into my life. Change it up and bring back the spontaneity. Why? Because I quite like my impulsive free self and I’ve lost her recently.

So where to start?

I definitely need to be a bit braver. Not too crazy, I’m not ready for bungy jumping yet but I am ready to go out to a party on a whim or order food I’ve never tried before. And next time somebody asks me to do something outside my comfort zone I’m going to.

Sometimes though nobody asks you to do things which means driving it yourself. There can be no question we all have tendency to over think too many areas of our lives which leads to inaction. But a common criticism levied against young people is that they’re too impulsive and don’t think things through. So to create a change I’m going to have to find a balance. Do less of the thinking and more of the action.

And it’s not just in actions where I need to foster more spontaneity, my relationships could do with it too. Instead of being passive and expecting I need to initiate more. Suggest and plan things to do with the people I love. The obligations of our relationships can confine us but we can challenge them, make new memories and certainly make them more fun.

By being more spontaneous I plan to re-energize. Of course there are no guarantees, I may be allergic to spiky puff fish, or fall off a table dancing, but hopefully not. And as Henry Miller said, “All growth is a leap in the dark, a spontaneous unpremeditated act without benefit of experience.”

Image by D Sharon Pruitt.